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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Love
Envied
Envy
Mankind
Loved
Many
Things
Men

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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.
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... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting
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All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.
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The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
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Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart.
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