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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Whether
Remember
Anything
Birthday
Younger
Memories
Happened
Age

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People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
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There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all.
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The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad.
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Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
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Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.
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I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it.
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