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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Politics
Bladder
Fighting
Barrel
Political
Barrels
Never
Ink
People
Patriotic
Pick
Picks
Fight

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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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Such is professional jealousy a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
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Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.
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It is higher and nobler to be kind.
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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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For England must not fall: it would mean an inundation of Russian & German political degradations which would envelop the globe & steep it in a sort of Middle-Age night & slaverly which would last till Christ comes again - which I hope he will not do he made trouble enough before.
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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A historian who would convey the truth has got to lie. Often he must enlarge the truth by diameters, otherwise his reader would not be able to see it.
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I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
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You want to be very careful about lying otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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