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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Picks
Fight
Politics
Bladder
Fighting
Barrel
Political
Barrels
Never
Ink
People
Patriotic
Pick

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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
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Let your joy be unconfined!
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
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When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions.
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Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
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Heaven is by favor if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
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It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.
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