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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Learn
Tails
Experience
Pet
Nature
Cat
Cannot
Curiosity
Way
Hold
Things
Inspiration
Learning
Animal
Tail

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On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
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Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.
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You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives. You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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I should be sorry to think it was the publishers themselves they got up this entire little flutter to enable them to unload a book that was taking too much room in their cellars, but you can never tell what a publisher will do. I have been one myself.
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Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule.
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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases.
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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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To forget pain is to be painless to forget care is to be rid of it to go abroad is to accomplish both.
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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
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