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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Garden
Expect
Inspiration
Weather
Climate

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What do you think of the human mind? I mean, in case you think there is a human mind.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
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Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation.
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
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I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.
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Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.
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Never tell a lie-except for practice.
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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.
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I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task.
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