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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
School
Insightful
Made
Sarcastic
Board
Boards
Idiot
God
Education
Practice

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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.
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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders.
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.
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The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
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Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
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You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist's custom.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time.
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The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined to women, but now and then you find it in a little dog, and sometimes a man.
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I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
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It is your human environment that makes climate
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