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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Made
Sarcastic
Board
Boards
Idiot
God
Education
Practice
School
Insightful

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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
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You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
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The proverb says, Born lucky, always lucky, and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.
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These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity but bet on the other one -- this is business.
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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.
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Troubles are only mental it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
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Honor is a harder master than the law.
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders.
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