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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Happened
Known
Funny
Troubles
Inspirational
Clever
Many
Leadership
Great
Courage
Never
Worry
Men
Trouble

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Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.
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A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water but everybody likes water.
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It is curious and interesting to notice what an attraction a fussy, mincing, nickel-plated word has for you.
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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in.
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Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.
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