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I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
School
Never
Graduation
Interfere
Learning
Education
Religion
Inspirational

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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
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I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.
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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
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for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.
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My own luck has been curious all my literary life I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.
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When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface
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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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Optimist: day-dreamer in his small clothes.
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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When congress is in session no American is safe.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad.
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.
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