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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Nice
Letter
Funny
Insult
Death
Sent
Repartee
Didn
Witty
Approved
Life
Aging
Attend
Clever
Sarcasm
Letters
Sarcastic
Saying
Funeral

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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
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There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.
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