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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Nothing
Laughing
Strength
Humor
Joy
Funniness
Stand
Supplication
Happiness
Humbug
Strong
Assault
Inspirational
Laughter

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
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The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
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There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.
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The introduction of homeopathy forced the old school doctor to stir around and learn something of a rational nature about his business. You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths to destroy it.
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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
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Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death.
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Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things left out. They burn in me and they keep multiplying but now they can't ever be said. And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.
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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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