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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Years
Cincinnati
World
Ten
Later
Modern
Comes
Ends
America
Everything

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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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In literature imitations do not imitate.
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Bridgeport? Said I. Camelot, Said he.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.
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We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows
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I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one.
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Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure at least the pain is the biggest end of it.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.
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There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.
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Drop this mean and sordid and selfish devotion to the saving of your shabby little souls, and hunt up something to do that's got some dignity to it! Risk your souls! Risk them in good causes then if you lose them, why should you care? Reform!
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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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