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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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America
Everything
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Cincinnati
World
Ten
Later
More quotes by Mark Twain
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Mark Twain
As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
Mark Twain
We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
Mark Twain
We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
Mark Twain
The secret of getting ahead is getting started
Mark Twain
There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
Mark Twain
It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
Mark Twain
I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
Mark Twain
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
Mark Twain
When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain
When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.
Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
Mark Twain
I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me he can't be any worse.
Mark Twain
I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
Mark Twain
Let your joy be unconfined!
Mark Twain
When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.
Mark Twain
True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
Mark Twain
You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
Mark Twain
