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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Years
Cincinnati
World
Ten
Later
Modern
Comes
Ends
America
Everything

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A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
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My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
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One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.
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I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.
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If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
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Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.
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In my age, as in my youth, night brings me many a deep remorse. I realize that from the cradle up I have been like the rest of the race - never quite sane in the night.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
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