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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Friends
Young
Flatter
Look
Sign
Looks
Begin
Youth
Sure
Getting
Age

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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
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I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.
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The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
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To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do.
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Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake he wanted it because it was forbidden.
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.
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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.
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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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