Quote

We have the best government that money can buy.

Mark Twain

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Politics
Funny
Money
Government
Best
Sarcasm
Sarcastic

More quotes by Mark Twain

Image
An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
Mark Twain
Image
The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.
Mark Twain
Image
I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.
Mark Twain
Image
To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
Mark Twain
Image
Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
Mark Twain
Image
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
Mark Twain
Image
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.
Mark Twain
Image
This autobiography of mine is a mirror, and I am looking at myself in it all the time. Incidentally I notice the people that pass along at my back - I get glimpses of them in the mirror - and whenever they say or do anything that can help advertise me and flatter me and raise me in my own estimation, I set these things down in my autobiography.
Mark Twain
Image
Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
Mark Twain
Image
Humor is like a frog if you dissect it, it dies.
Mark Twain
Image
I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome variety is pleasing.
Mark Twain
Image
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain
Image
My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
Mark Twain
Image
[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
Mark Twain
Image
In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
Mark Twain
Image
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Mark Twain
Image
Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.
Mark Twain
Image
Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
Mark Twain
Image
I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
Mark Twain
Image
It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.
Mark Twain