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We have the best government that money can buy.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Money
Government
Best
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Politics
Funny

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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it.
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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.
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Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.
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Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to institutions are extraneous. . . .
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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Heaven is by favor if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in.
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Mark Twain
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Every year you wait, long ago gets farther away.
Mark Twain