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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Approach
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Eighteen
Born
Eighty
Would
Infinitely
Time
Gradually
Life
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Aging

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The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.
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It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.
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There is only one expert who is qualified to examine the souls and the life of a people and make a valuable report - the native novelist. ... And when a thousand able novels have been written, there you have the soul of the people and not anywhere else can these be had.
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When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.
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Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.
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Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.
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Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane not in all things, but in religious matters.
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Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.
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