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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Approach
Age
Eighteen
Born
Eighty
Would
Infinitely
Time
Gradually
Life
Happier
Birthday
Aging

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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.
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I never write metropolis for seven cents when I can write city and get paid the same.
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Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.
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We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.
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Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.
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A habit cannot be tossed out the window it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
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I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow nothing can prevent it.
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The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
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Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with.
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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
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