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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
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Autobiographer
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Mystery
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Explained
More quotes by Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
Mark Twain
We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.
Mark Twain
Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
Mark Twain
We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
Mark Twain
No throne exists that has a right to exist, and no symbol of it, flying from any flagstaff, is righteously entitled to wear any device but the skull and crossbones of that kindred industry which differs from royalty only businesswise-merely as retail differs from wholesale.
Mark Twain
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Mark Twain
There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
Mark Twain
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
Mark Twain
It is curious and interesting to notice what an attraction a fussy, mincing, nickel-plated word has for you.
Mark Twain
I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
Mark Twain
The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him.
Mark Twain
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Mark Twain
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Mark Twain
The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
Mark Twain
Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain
Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
Mark Twain
Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.
Mark Twain
I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
Mark Twain
You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.
Mark Twain
