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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Deals
Trouble
Mothering
Mother
Parenting
Children
Motherhood
Great
Enjoyed
Think
Mom
Thinking
Baby
Deal

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He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.
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If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory!
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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.
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Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
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For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the what is next, of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
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I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to institutions are extraneous. . . .
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The truth hurts, but silence kills.
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There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle afer cycle, by force and bloodshed.
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.
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What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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