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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Mother
Parenting
Children
Motherhood
Great
Enjoyed
Think
Mom
Thinking
Baby
Deal
Deals
Trouble
Mothering

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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
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All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish
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Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.
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We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die.
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One must travel, to learn.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
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