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A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain
A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
Mark Twain
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
Mark Twain
To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
Mark Twain
the more I know about people, the better I like my dogs.
Mark Twain
The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
Mark Twain
There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
Mark Twain
Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
Mark Twain
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark Twain
My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
Mark Twain
No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
Mark Twain
I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.
Mark Twain
when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.
Mark Twain
He wa'n't no common dog, he wa'n't no mongrel he was a composite. A composite dog is a dog that is made up of all the valuable qualities that's in the dog breed-kind of a syndicate and a mongrel is made up of all riffraff that's left over.
Mark Twain
When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
Mark Twain
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
Mark Twain
Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.
Mark Twain
No throne exists that has a right to exist, and no symbol of it, flying from any flagstaff, is righteously entitled to wear any device but the skull and crossbones of that kindred industry which differs from royalty only businesswise-merely as retail differs from wholesale.
Mark Twain
Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
Mark Twain
A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
Mark Twain
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
Mark Twain
