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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Funny
Boards
Place
Idiot
School
Educational
Firsts
Silly
First
God
Equator
Made
Crazy
Schooled
Life
Education
Idiots
Practice
Graduation
More quotes by Mark Twain
The laws of Nature take precedence of all human laws. The purpose of all human laws is one - to defeat the laws of Nature. This is the case among all the nations, both civilized and savage. It is a grotesquerie, but when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
Mark Twain
All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
Mark Twain
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
Mark Twain
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
Mark Twain
How slow and still the time did drag along.
Mark Twain
A person who has a cat by the tail knows a whole lot more about cats than someone who has just read about them.
Mark Twain
Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
Mark Twain
Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
Mark Twain
No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.
Mark Twain
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Mark Twain
When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
Mark Twain
The lightning there is peculiar it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.
Mark Twain
God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Mark Twain
There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
Mark Twain
Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
Mark Twain
The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.
Mark Twain
A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.
Mark Twain
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
Mark Twain
Troubles are only mental it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.
Mark Twain
