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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
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Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Liberty
Libertarian
Politics
Witty
Poisonous
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Idiot
Prohibition
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Suppose
Governing
Life
Drinking
Sarcastic
Congress
Repeat
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More quotes by Mark Twain
School gets in the way of my learning.
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from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
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Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.
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Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of smartness--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artifici
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The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.
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Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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