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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Liberty
Libertarian
Politics
Witty
Poisonous
Funny
Idiot
Prohibition
Political
Suppose
Governing
Life
Drinking
Sarcastic
Congress
Repeat
Members
Repeats
Humor
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent then he would have eaten the serpent.
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
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If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
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I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
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A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
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There isn't any way to libel the human race.
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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Be good and you will be lonely.
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