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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Congress
Repeat
Members
Repeats
Humor
Member
Liberty
Libertarian
Politics
Witty
Poisonous
Funny
Idiot
Prohibition
Political
Suppose
Governing
Life
Drinking
Sarcastic

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
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It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule.
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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety.
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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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When in doubt tell the truth.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
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It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.
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Tough times teach trust.
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