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I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.

Maria Bamford

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Maria Bamford
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: September 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Port Hueneme
California
Maria Elizabeth Sheldon Bamford
Feel
Feels
Mindfulness
Thing
Compassionate
Every
Buddhist
Kind
Jobs
Good
Tell
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Makes
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More quotes by Maria Bamford

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I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.
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There's a reason I'm a stand-up comedian. I think there may be some laziness inherent in that job. It's the four-hour work week, on some level. I mean, I work at it, but it's not that kind of... it's just not the hours at all. So I was extremely grateful for the job. It was super, super fun, and I'm surprised that I made it.
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Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
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I feel bad about that, that I worship celebrities... but their moods create weather.
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I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.
Maria Bamford
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I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.
Maria Bamford
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I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.
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We’re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.
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Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!
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Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.
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I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat?
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The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it.
Maria Bamford
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Time flies when you are anxious!
Maria Bamford
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My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.
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Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.
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I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the stuff that does. I think it just depends. It's a completely personal choice.
Maria Bamford
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When you're a comedian, you're just by yourself.
Maria Bamford
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I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.
Maria Bamford
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In L.A., a lot of comics live here, but we don't get to spend that much time together because we've got to drive 45 minutes home, or do another set. So in San Francisco we can hang out, go for dinner - the community aspect of it is really lovely, as well as seeing people's shows that you don't normally get to see a longer version of.
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I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
Maria Bamford