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I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.

Maria Bamford

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Maria Bamford
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: September 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Port Hueneme
California
Maria Elizabeth Sheldon Bamford
Kind
Jobs
Good
Tell
Like
Makes
Better
Feel
Feels
Mindfulness
Thing
Compassionate
Every
Buddhist

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People get really irritated by mental illness.
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The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it.
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I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.
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My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.
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Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
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I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.
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I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.
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If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?
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Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.
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Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.
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There's a reason I'm a stand-up comedian. I think there may be some laziness inherent in that job. It's the four-hour work week, on some level. I mean, I work at it, but it's not that kind of... it's just not the hours at all. So I was extremely grateful for the job. It was super, super fun, and I'm surprised that I made it.
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I love festivals because they seem like more of an artsy, supportive attitude - which benefits a more theatrical performer sometimes with having theater and other non-club venues, as well as the audience being filled with other artists. It's nice to be with other comics, as usually at other road gigs, I'm solo for the most part.
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I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.
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My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time
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I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat?
Maria Bamford
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We’re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.
Maria Bamford
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Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!
Maria Bamford
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I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the stuff that does. I think it just depends. It's a completely personal choice.
Maria Bamford
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I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
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I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.
Maria Bamford