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I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat?
Maria Bamford
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Maria Bamford
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: September 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Port Hueneme
California
Maria Elizabeth Sheldon Bamford
Eye
Keeps
Makes
Lips
Need
Shadow
Needs
Pay
Work
Equal
Commercials
Thinking
Gets
Lipstick
Stand
Fats
Stop
Makeup
More quotes by Maria Bamford
I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.
Maria Bamford
I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.
Maria Bamford
I love festivals because they seem like more of an artsy, supportive attitude - which benefits a more theatrical performer sometimes with having theater and other non-club venues, as well as the audience being filled with other artists. It's nice to be with other comics, as usually at other road gigs, I'm solo for the most part.
Maria Bamford
I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.
Maria Bamford
I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.
Maria Bamford
I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the stuff that does. I think it just depends. It's a completely personal choice.
Maria Bamford
The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it.
Maria Bamford
I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
Maria Bamford
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.
Maria Bamford
In L.A., a lot of comics live here, but we don't get to spend that much time together because we've got to drive 45 minutes home, or do another set. So in San Francisco we can hang out, go for dinner - the community aspect of it is really lovely, as well as seeing people's shows that you don't normally get to see a longer version of.
Maria Bamford
Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
Maria Bamford
If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?
Maria Bamford
I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.
Maria Bamford
People get really irritated by mental illness.
Maria Bamford
I feel bad about that, that I worship celebrities... but their moods create weather.
Maria Bamford
Time flies when you are anxious!
Maria Bamford
Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.
Maria Bamford
We’re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.
Maria Bamford
Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!
Maria Bamford
My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time
Maria Bamford
