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If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?

Maria Bamford

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Maria Bamford
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: September 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Port Hueneme
California
Maria Elizabeth Sheldon Bamford
Ever
Waste
Describes
Take
Safe
Majestic
Thinking
Friends
Profile
Space
Grand
Family
Comparison
Inspirational
Pictures
Revel
Also
Burden
Canyon
Remember
Distance
Canyons

More quotes by Maria Bamford

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There's a reason I'm a stand-up comedian. I think there may be some laziness inherent in that job. It's the four-hour work week, on some level. I mean, I work at it, but it's not that kind of... it's just not the hours at all. So I was extremely grateful for the job. It was super, super fun, and I'm surprised that I made it.
Maria Bamford
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Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.
Maria Bamford
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I love festivals because they seem like more of an artsy, supportive attitude - which benefits a more theatrical performer sometimes with having theater and other non-club venues, as well as the audience being filled with other artists. It's nice to be with other comics, as usually at other road gigs, I'm solo for the most part.
Maria Bamford
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I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.
Maria Bamford
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The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it.
Maria Bamford
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Time flies when you are anxious!
Maria Bamford
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My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time
Maria Bamford
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Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.
Maria Bamford
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I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.
Maria Bamford
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Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.
Maria Bamford
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Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!
Maria Bamford
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I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.
Maria Bamford
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Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
Maria Bamford
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I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
Maria Bamford
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My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.
Maria Bamford
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I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.
Maria Bamford
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We’re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.
Maria Bamford
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I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.
Maria Bamford
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When you're a comedian, you're just by yourself.
Maria Bamford
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I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.
Maria Bamford