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If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?

Maria Bamford

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Maria Bamford
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: September 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Port Hueneme
California
Maria Elizabeth Sheldon Bamford
Space
Grand
Family
Comparison
Inspirational
Pictures
Revel
Also
Burden
Canyon
Remember
Distance
Canyons
Ever
Waste
Describes
Take
Safe
Majestic
Thinking
Friends
Profile

More quotes by Maria Bamford

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Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
Maria Bamford
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I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
Maria Bamford
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I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening.
Maria Bamford
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Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.
Maria Bamford
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There's a reason I'm a stand-up comedian. I think there may be some laziness inherent in that job. It's the four-hour work week, on some level. I mean, I work at it, but it's not that kind of... it's just not the hours at all. So I was extremely grateful for the job. It was super, super fun, and I'm surprised that I made it.
Maria Bamford
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Time flies when you are anxious!
Maria Bamford
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When you're a comedian, you're just by yourself.
Maria Bamford
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The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it.
Maria Bamford
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Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.
Maria Bamford
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I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business.
Maria Bamford
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I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.
Maria Bamford
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In L.A., a lot of comics live here, but we don't get to spend that much time together because we've got to drive 45 minutes home, or do another set. So in San Francisco we can hang out, go for dinner - the community aspect of it is really lovely, as well as seeing people's shows that you don't normally get to see a longer version of.
Maria Bamford
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I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.
Maria Bamford
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My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.
Maria Bamford
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Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.
Maria Bamford
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I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends.
Maria Bamford
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Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!
Maria Bamford
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I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better.
Maria Bamford
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People get really irritated by mental illness.
Maria Bamford
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I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat?
Maria Bamford