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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
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If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
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As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
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Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
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Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
Mallory Ortberg
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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
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Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
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