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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
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Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
Mallory Ortberg
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
Mallory Ortberg
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg
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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
Mallory Ortberg
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
Mallory Ortberg
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
Mallory Ortberg
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Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
Mallory Ortberg
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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg
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I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
Mallory Ortberg
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
Mallory Ortberg
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Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
Mallory Ortberg
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
Mallory Ortberg
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
Mallory Ortberg
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
Mallory Ortberg
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o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
Mallory Ortberg
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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
Mallory Ortberg