Quote

You, too, will someday die, perhaps under inconvenient circumstances, at a time when you do not particularly wish to, and for causes that you cannot yet predict.

Mallory Ortberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mallory Ortberg
Circumstances
Perhaps
Causes
Dies
Wish
Inconvenient
Cannot
Predict
Time
Someday
Particularly

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

Image
Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
Mallory Ortberg