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You, too, will someday die, perhaps under inconvenient circumstances, at a time when you do not particularly wish to, and for causes that you cannot yet predict.
Mallory Ortberg
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Mallory Ortberg
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More quotes by Mallory Ortberg
I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
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If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us. Only you can help fight ghosting.
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Most of us, however committed we are to our ideals, will find ourselves every now and again reading an attention-grabbing headline from the Daily Mail or some other lowest-common denominator. That's not the same thing as frequenting a site like the white supremacist Stormfront.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
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Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.
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Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
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Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
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