Quote

It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.

Mallory Ortberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mallory Ortberg
Without
Cities
Ordinances
Things
Saying
Relatively
Taken
Unlikely
Wrong
Noise
Keep
Sex
Care
Based
Home
City
Anything
Quiet
Violating

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

Image
It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
Mallory Ortberg