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It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
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If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
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Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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