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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Dating
Frustration
Potential
Exercise
Almost
Belief
Always

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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Tenancy laws can be so complicated I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
Mallory Ortberg
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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
Mallory Ortberg
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
Mallory Ortberg
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It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.
Mallory Ortberg
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
Mallory Ortberg
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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
Mallory Ortberg
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg
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Most of us, however committed we are to our ideals, will find ourselves every now and again reading an attention-grabbing headline from the Daily Mail or some other lowest-common denominator. That's not the same thing as frequenting a site like the white supremacist Stormfront.
Mallory Ortberg
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
Mallory Ortberg
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
Mallory Ortberg
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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
Mallory Ortberg
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Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
Mallory Ortberg
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
Mallory Ortberg
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg
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You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
Mallory Ortberg
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If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
Mallory Ortberg
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Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
Mallory Ortberg
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg