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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Failure
Dies
Everyone
Give
Giving
Kidney
Thing
Kidneys
Life
Hoping
Wanting

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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
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Tenancy laws can be so complicated I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
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I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
Mallory Ortberg
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If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us. Only you can help fight ghosting.
Mallory Ortberg
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
Mallory Ortberg
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
Mallory Ortberg
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
Mallory Ortberg
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I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.
Mallory Ortberg
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
Mallory Ortberg
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
Mallory Ortberg
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I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who despises having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
Mallory Ortberg
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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
Mallory Ortberg
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
Mallory Ortberg