Quote

Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.

Mallory Ortberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mallory Ortberg
Someone
Pouting
Grope
Responds
Predator
Whining
Asshole
Please
Friend

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

Image
You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Most of us, however committed we are to our ideals, will find ourselves every now and again reading an attention-grabbing headline from the Daily Mail or some other lowest-common denominator. That's not the same thing as frequenting a site like the white supremacist Stormfront.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
Image
The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us. Only you can help fight ghosting.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg