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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Please
Friend
Someone
Pouting
Grope
Responds
Predator
Whining
Asshole

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
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Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
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Tenancy laws can be so complicated I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
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Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
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Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
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I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
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If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us. Only you can help fight ghosting.
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