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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Mocked
Yelled
Assure
Getting
Kids

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
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o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
Mallory Ortberg
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Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
Mallory Ortberg
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
Mallory Ortberg
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You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.
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Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
Mallory Ortberg
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
Mallory Ortberg
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
Mallory Ortberg
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
Mallory Ortberg
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Tenancy laws can be so complicated I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
Mallory Ortberg
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
Mallory Ortberg
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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
Mallory Ortberg
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Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
Mallory Ortberg