Quote

Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.

Mallory Ortberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mallory Ortberg
Situation
Enjoy
Dream
People
Boyfriend
Situations
Wake
Relationship
Worry

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

Image
Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg
Image
In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
Mallory Ortberg