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I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Subjects
Psychoanalysis
Dreams
Topic
Type
Topics
Control
Fairly
Dream
Types
Certain
Dedicated
Way
Although
Subject

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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
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Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
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To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
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The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
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Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
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I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.
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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
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I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased.
Mallory Ortberg
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As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
Mallory Ortberg
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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