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I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Way
Although
Subject
Subjects
Psychoanalysis
Dreams
Topic
Type
Topics
Control
Fairly
Dream
Types
Certain
Dedicated

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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
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Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
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You, too, will someday die, perhaps under inconvenient circumstances, at a time when you do not particularly wish to, and for causes that you cannot yet predict.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.
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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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