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I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
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Most of us, however committed we are to our ideals, will find ourselves every now and again reading an attention-grabbing headline from the Daily Mail or some other lowest-common denominator. That's not the same thing as frequenting a site like the white supremacist Stormfront.
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
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Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
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I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
Mallory Ortberg