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If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Months
Worker
Worry
Incapable
Asks
Pregnant
Three
Occasions
Many
Separate
Workers
Forgetful
Memory
Cognition
Skills
Remembering

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
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Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
Mallory Ortberg
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I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who despises having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
Mallory Ortberg
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
Mallory Ortberg
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
Mallory Ortberg
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Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
Mallory Ortberg