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If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Asks
Pregnant
Three
Occasions
Many
Separate
Workers
Forgetful
Memory
Cognition
Skills
Remembering
Months
Worker
Worry
Incapable

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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You, too, will someday die, perhaps under inconvenient circumstances, at a time when you do not particularly wish to, and for causes that you cannot yet predict.
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Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
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Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.
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Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
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Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
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