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Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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Tables
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Diapers

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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
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I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who despises having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
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