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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
Mallory Ortberg
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Mallory Ortberg
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More quotes by Mallory Ortberg
You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.
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I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who despises having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
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To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
Mallory Ortberg
If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
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Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
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I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
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Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg