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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
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Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
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Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
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Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
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Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
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You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
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