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If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us. Only you can help fight ghosting.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
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There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
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A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
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I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who despises having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
Mallory Ortberg
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You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.
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It's so difficult to figure out how to offer support and also be honest with someone you love who's in a damaging relationship without making them feel defensive and retreating even further into isolation.
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
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I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased.
Mallory Ortberg
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Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
Mallory Ortberg
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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
Mallory Ortberg
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Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.
Mallory Ortberg
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
Mallory Ortberg
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
Mallory Ortberg
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
Mallory Ortberg